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LIFE OF FLY
FLY, is that you?
This is FLY.
It's Susan Weller from WKBT Radio. I apologize for the early call. Are you available to talk right now?
You sound hesitant. Have we caught you at a bad time?
Uh, not really. I'm trapped inside a house. Comes with the job. [laughs].
Well, our listeners would be interested about that. Is it something you could share with them?
That's a no, Susan. Waiting for someone to open up a window, is all.
Ok, let's start. I'm sure our listeners would like to know, what's it like to be FLY?
Right now, it's not all that great, Susan. Considering my current situation.
Being trapped inside?
That's it, Susan. Humans are so inconsiderate. They close their windows, and even if they're open,
there's always screens. Ever been caught in a screen? Not fun.
Got it. More on that later. Can you tell us about being FLY?
Well, Susan, it's hard to describe. There's the usual perks, you know, being able to fly, almost invisible to predators, and your fly-on-the-wall advantages like listening in on vice-presidential debates, watching people have sex, and seeing free movies in theaters...
Oh, yes, the Pence incident. Why'd you land on him?
Frankly, I was looking for something to eat. Usually, it's leftover donuts, sandwich crusts, candy wrappers, empty cans of Pepsi. In his case, it was hairspray. Nasty stuff.
And the downsides to being FLY?
There's the houses. And you have to watch out for the birds. And bug spray. And people with fly
swatters. They're bad. You don't ever want to run into someone with a fly swatter.
That's interesting. Has that ever happened to you?
Sure. Uh, can you hold for a minute? I got a cat here...
[line goes dead]
Ok, while we're holding, for those of you on the web, check out his FLYart. Very edgy stuff...
I'm back, Susan.
Are you ok?
Sure, Susan, just a Siamese. Happens all the time. In the end, it's all about speed. Siamese are sub-par in the
speed department. I left this one hanging from a chandelier. Nothing's faster than FLY.
That's good. We were a bit worried.
No worries, Susan. All good.
Some of our listeners were checking out your online artwork. Fanciful stuff!
It's FLYart, Susan. Multimedia mostly, with FLYprints for individual sale. Lots of work available.
That's part of why you're such a media figure right now?
It's true, after the Pence event, there's a buzz on about FLY. People tweet about me a lot, and they plurk. Someone did a recording of me singing "Song for the Working Fly," a ballad for the 99%. Nice back-beat with plenty of techno. It's
going viral--about 500,000 downloads. Some nice ad money via click-throughs.
And there's the TV appearances. Fox TV and CNN, right?
Yeah, the camera loves a pretty face [laughs]. But seriously, Susan, it's not about me. Sure, I'm FLY,
but it's about history. I mean, houseflies originated in the Cenozoic era 65 million years ago. And
then about 60,000 years ago, humans came along. Ever since, we've been real close. We're like your second
skin. We're worldwide because we've co-migrated.
How about friends? Anyone close?
Well, Susan. I've got 5,000 contacts on Facebook, and I get about 100 messages a day. So I've got lots of
Any close friends?
Just go to my website and check out my WALL OF FRIENDS. Nuff said.
Ok, we've got "Song for the Working Fly" here, with some FLYart. Let's spin it.
That's "Song of the Working Fly" by FLY. Nice rant.
Thanks, Susan. They had to sweeten my voice a bit, but it's still me.
So it's a commentary on the 99%?
That's right, Susan. The 99% are almost everything, but we act like less than nothing. In truth, we're the 1%. That's how much we count for.
And you want to change that?
It's not what I want, Susan. It's what the world needs. We've got to act like the majority, not the minority.
Anyway, sounds great. We'll play another one later on.
So another topic. You have brothers and sisters?
Actually, I have about 150 siblings, all them within two miles of here. We don't talk much--too
busy living and exploring life. But every once in a while a bunch of us get together for a FLY Fest. We swap
stories and drink lots of beer, the good stuff, you know, fancy vintages in old, broken bottles. And chips
'n dip, of course. They're my favorite. With crumbly blue cheese and chili sauce, all curbside and aged in
natural sunlight. Truly excellent stuff.
Do you follow politics?
With a life expectancy of about a month, there aren't many opportunites to vote. So no, I don't follow
politics, except that one time with Pence, which was purely food-based. Actually, I once thought of running for President, but I couldn't get a buzz going [laughs].
Life expectancy of a month?
Human time, Susan. That's a hundred years in FLY time.
So how's your sex life?
Funny you should ask. I'm a male. I could have just as easily been a female with all that egg laying to
do--9,000 in a lifetime, can you imagine? But for some reason, I'm a male. No one really knows why. And the
irony is I only get to do IT once. That's it, just once in my lifetime. That's all she wrote. Maybe five
seconds' worth, and it's the bench for me. So you can imagine sex is a HUGE priority.
Are you interested, Susan? It's been done before. And the results weren't so bad to look at [in the
background, a cat hisses, and there is the sound of breaking glass]...
Well, it looks like another cat attack. Let's break for FLY's Friends [COMMERCIAL BREAK].
Are you there, FLY?
"A SCRATCH-OFF PRAYER" by FLY
We're back. Are you all right, FLY?
Yeah, Susan. Damn cat again. She's in the laundry room now.
In the laundry room?
Yeah, bat-shit crazy. But cleaner than she's been in months. Went for me and fell into the washing
Well, for those of you just tuning in, we're here with FLY, world famous housefly, artist, singer/poet, and
raconteur. You made "A Scratch-Off Prayer"? Bit melodramatic, don't you think?
I'm never melodramatic when it comes to religion, Susan. It's serious business.
Well, eveyone has an opinion when it comes to religion, even a housefly. You don't mind if I call you a housefly?
It's what I am, Susan. I'm a home boy. It's all about the house.
That's interesting. So you like to play house? [laughs]
Don't be coy, Susan. You want to visit?
You're not serious...
I'm FLY. FLY is always serious.
Well, moving on... If you could solve any problem in the world, what would it be?
That would have to be the new garbage cans, Susan. Those covers are hell to get under, and once you do,
there's no guarantee you can get out. It's genocide, that's what it is. It's a death trap.
Well, there's Trump and the Senate. That's an easy fix. Just vote in the independents. They'll unify and make things right.
Ok, we've got another song here. Let's spin it.
That's "Love is Everything" by FLY. Nice tune.
Thanks, Susan. We recorded it in a friend's garage.
So is that your message? Love conquers all?
Well, Susan, we need something now. The world's a mess, and if we can't fix it together, who can?
How can you make people feel love?
Maybe it's a good type of virus, Susan. We can all catch it, and refuse the cure.
Well, you can count me in.
Thanks, Susan. The album's available online. I'm thinking of a second one.
That'd be great. Let us know, and we'll bring you on again.
So another topic. You were homeless once?
Yes, that's my natural state. I prefer it that way, even though I'm attracted to houses. We're drawn to
them. It's a homing instinct. That's why I'm in one now.
So you're going to buy a house of your own and settle down?
No, probably not. All us houseflies are roamers. We have big hearts, and we can't be confined. All the
action is out in the open--in the gutters, alleys, doorways, and open fields. That's where freedom is.
Can you explain that?
Sure. We define ourselves by what we're not, yes? So if you are not FLY, then you are everything else. But
if you are everything else, the FLY part is still missing--he's out of the equation, and the equation of our
lives is incomplete without him. So you have to include FLY. He's the missing link, the counter-balance.
Without him, nothing works. There's a huge world waiting for FLY to happen.
And when it does?
Watch out, baby. FLY is coming. Ready or not. [laughs]
Well, we've run out of time. Are you going to be ok?
Sure, Susan. FLY forever.
Great. Any last words for our listeners?
It's just the beginning, Susan. Our story's not even begun. [sound of thumping] Oh, shit. There's that